Do you often find yourself wishing you hadn’t spoken angrily to you kids? Or you say something to your husband only to regret a minute later the tone in which you said it? We’ve all been there. While it can be explained due to the many reasons I list below, it can also be a sign that you need to change something, ask for something or tend to a need.

Occasional snapping is normal

We cannot always exhibit our best behavior even if we would like to. Some days are objectively tough. Sometimes if feels like a question or a request by a family member is the drop that makes the glass over flow and turns on the “snap switch”.

Think about it as lifting weights in a gym: you can’t lift a weight that is too heavy – not until your muscles become stronger anyway.

Why it might be happening more often than you’d like it to

Nevertheless, snapping is not pleasant neither for us nor for the person on the other end. We feel guilty and annoyed with ourselves, while the other person feels at best uncomfortable and at worst under attack. And when that attack happens often, relationships suffer.

Here are some reasons that “snap switch” might be turned on:

1. It’s your hormones. Next time you feel on the edge, check to see where you are in your cycle. Chances are, you are either ovulating (middle of the cycle) or you are in your luteal phase (about to get your period). In the first case, the rise in testosterone and peak in estrogen that happens during ovulation can make you feel angry more quickly. This is definitely my case. During the luteal phase, estrogen naturally drops and the desire to connect inward with ourselves increases. We might be craving for that inward connection while being obliged to redirect our energy outwards. The estrogen drop can also influence our serotonin levels, making us more susceptible to mood drops. It can feel impossible to hide our emotions. In motherhood this translates to finding it a lot more difficult to accept poor behavior or lack of support. Another important fact if you’re over 40 is perimenopause, which can happen up to 10 years before menopause and lead to mood swings among other symptoms.
   
2. You’re dehydrated. It’s  possible that you are all snappy because you haven’t had enough water throughout the day. Make sure you drink at least 2 litres of water a day. Being dehydrated will also cause you to have more cravings, which might lead to you consuming more sugar, leading to feelings of guilt and frustration…a vicious cycle. Break if by investing in a good sports water bottle to sip throughout all day long.
3. You haven’t been sleeping enough. I know that my tolerance levels are close to 0 if I haven’t slept enough the night before. It’s like my engine is running low on fuel. It’s running alright, but please don’t load my car with any more baggage cause it ain’t going to make it to the destination.
4. Your cup is empty and needs to be filled up with pleasure. Look, I get it. When you’re a mum of small children, you mostly do things for them. But feeling deprived because this goes on for too long can lead to you feeling fed up and…snappy.
5. You’ve been putting other people’s needs on top of your own for too long. Similar to the one above, ask yourself: What would please me? It might feel like there’s no good time to ask yourself that question, but that isn’t true. Every once in a while, do what pleases you and not everyone else.
6. One of your main needs are not met (most of the time, you’re hungry). I love the acronym HALT for knowing when to stop and do a check-in. Are you Hungry?(please eat!) Angry?(who/what with?) Lonely?(call a friend!) Tired?(sleep more). Then halt!/stop and try to find a solution to these four issues, even if not immediately available.

Feelings of guilt and forgiveness

It can be particularly tough to forgive yourself for shouting at your children. After all, it’s not their fault. You might also worry that it’s the only thing they will remember of you. Rest assured, it won’t be. And remember, this is your body’s way of ringing the alarm bell for you to listen and course-correct.

If you do worry that this is happening too often, please check out my checklist for stressless mums for practical ways to bring down your stress levels. You can also book a complimentary discovery session to see how I might be able to help you. You are not a bad mum, you’re just a mum who needs more support.