In the first few years after having my children, I had quite a rocky relationship with my body. I’ve spoken to enough parents to know that I wasn’t the only one. Many of us struggle with how we view and take care (or not take care) of our bodies as parents. A disconnect that was perhaps even there before, grows stronger and stronger among all the challenges of parenthood.

Using only one of our three ‘brains’

Being a mum can be very taxing on all levels. Our bodies take a huge toll, and not just in pregnancy and the early postpartum weeks. Many of us still deal with illnesses, disrupted sleep, not to mention the constant weight of responsibility on our shoulders, and all the planning that comes with running a household. Having to take care of another human being is physically and mentally exhausting.

Very often things are and feel chaotic. Among all the chaos we very much operate from the brain. We think, we juggle, and organise. We don’t take time to feel, trust our intuition, and use our other two brains: our heart, and our gut.

It’s normal, but as a consequence, many of us never recover a healthy connection to our body, if there was ever one to begin with.

A connection to the body-hard to (re)gain?

Connecting to the body can take many forms and can mean many things. For the purpose of this blog post, I take it to mean: 1. appreciating it (= not hating it) and 2. tending to all its needs.

This connection isn’t necessary something we lose, because for many of us, it wasn’t even there to begin with. As women, many of us when were we ever taught to appreciate our bodies for what they do, or even to tend to their needs.

This becomes blatantly obvious when we first get our period. I don’t know about you, but I know the messages I got were ‘this is a horrible thing that happens to women every month” (=poor us women), “you need to make sure to hide it” (=shame), “it comes with pain and frustration” (=I’m unlucky to be a woman and this body is problematic).

If we didn’t cultivate a relationship of respect and love with our bodies before becoming parents, it becomes even harder to so after, despite the incredible feat of growing a life inside of us.

How the disconnect manifests

After pregnancy, and especially if we had a difficult birth or postpartum months, that disconnect gets bigger and bigger. It can manifest in different ways, such as:

– Not tending to our basic needs (thirst, good and healthy food, sleep, etc.)
– Neglecting to go to the doctor or dentist
– Engaging in unhealthy behaviors that are not doing us any favors such as being on the phone too much or binge watching series, eating too much sugar etc.
– Most importantly, not liking how our body looks or feels like, which turns into a negative voice that is messing up with our wellbeing.

A changed body

To be fair, the body does go through changes, many of them obvious despite our efforts. Stretch marks, a different body shape, floppy breasts, constant bad hair days, more weight, looser muscles because we are less active. And, in a normal process of aging (but also because time flies when we have children), we might get grey hair, or wrinkles. On top of that, we have less time to go shopping, so we end up wearing the same things over and over again.

We look at ourselves in the mirror, and we don’t like what we see.

You have every right to feel like that and to want to feel better in your own skin. (As a sideline, if you find yourself unable to lose weight or extremely tired, please go get a check up and don’t accept them blaming everything on parenthood).

Social media does not make things easier. We get into a trap of comparison, looking at how other mums parade their body looking like they never had children. It’s important to remember that that’s not what the world is actually like.

What to do when that inner critic shows up

When you catch yourself thinking very negatively about the way you look like, shift from how your body looks like to what your body is doing for you. Allow yourself to develop a sense of profound appreciation and gratitude for your body.

I don’t know how many mums actually stop and think about how amazing their body has been. It created, brought forth, and nurtured new life. You gave life where none existed.

Your body is miraculous.

Your body as the only vessel you will ever live in, so show it some love.

Not just about the physical body

Your body also hosts your heart and your soul. They also need nourishment. The disconnect mentioned earlier happens on all levels, and it interferes with our mental, emotional and spiritual needs. Plenty of mums I speak to have forgotten who they were before and what brought them joy.

What we model for our children

The message that our bodies deserve appreciation and that we need to tend to their needs is an important one also for our children.  In fact, I believe that if we all showed more appreciation to our bodies and our selves, we would also show more appreciation to those around us. Ultimately, the world would be a better place.

So today, if this blog post has inspired you, take a few moments (because I know you don’t have much time!) to think about what more reconnection would mean to you. Maybe today it’s just about appreciating time in a quiet cup of tea, a walk in nature, some deep breathing.

As a coach, I’m here to help you rediscover a positive relationship with your body. Whether you’re struggling with body image after pregnancy or just looking for ways to boost your self-love and self-care, I can help guide you. You deserve to feel amazing in your own skin, and I’m here to support you every step of the way.

Don’t wait to prioritize yourself. Reach out today. Contact me now, and let’s work together to make this transformation happen!

Photo by Andres Ayrton: https://www.pexels.com/photo/anonymous-overweight-woman-touching-tummy-during-training-6551455/